Building Rapport in Business and in Life
ABCD - Always Be Connecting Dots
Some individuals possess a magnetic quality about them; they draw people in.
It could be, the way they shake your hand, ask your name, give you their full attention.
When you next meet, they remember the names of your spouse and children, what you do for work or your hobbies.
They can refer to details from your previous conversations with ease.
Familiarity and comfort quickly set in with people like this; you build a rapport with them and a level of trust.
Building rapport is about making others feel at ease around. The best way to do it is to take a genuine interest. The best place to start is in your relationships and with the people you care about the most.
“If you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend. Therein is a drop of honey that catches his heart, which, say what you will, is the great high-road to his reason.” - Abraham Lincoln
In Practice
The idea for this post came while reading Setting the Table: The Transforming Power of Hospitality in Business by Danny Meyer.
It is a fantastic read centred around Danny’s years in the food service industry. The book details his rise as a restaurateur of some of the best restaurants in New York.
It is a goldmine of practical ideas, one of which is the idea of Turning Over Rocks, something he encourages his staff to do when dealing with customers.
The concept is simple; he encourages his staff to constantly be on the lookout for little pieces of information about their customers. The ones that can make a difference to a person’s experience.
Maybe they notice a customer shiver slightly, so they come back with a blanket before they even have to be asked. Maybe they notice a slight gaze up from the table and around the room, which may signal that someone may require help, so the staff move towards the table quickly.
It is about being perceptive of others. A great starting point is simply asking people how they are and engaging in a friendly interaction with them.
Within this framework, Danny introduced us to his idea of ABCD (Always Be Connecting Dots).
Connecting dots is the gathering of information about someone, piece by piece, from each interaction. The hope is that over time, this will accumulate into something valuable, their favourite sports team, regular food or drink order or even their favourite type of cuisine.
As you accumulate these dots, you can begin connecting them and creating a unique experience for your guests.
Creating Loyalty
Connecting dots isn’t simply a tactic to use on your customers, but it can be useful in every walk of life. It is essential for engendering loyalty among your team.
Julius Caesar and, centuries later, Napoleon Bonaparte were deeply loved by their soldiers. They would walk among their men, learn their names, ask about their families and remember important details.
They were turning over rocks and connecting dots.
They could recall details about an individual soldier many months after first meeting him. Having their leader stop and ask a personal question or make a personal comment would be a huge source of pride for these men.
Napoleon was known to promote men on the spot, having witnessed acts of bravery, intelligence or ingenuity. Both he and Caesar valued merit rather than pedigree and familial status and would promote and reward soldiers accordingly.
It wasn’t simply about learning to remember a few names, but about actively engaging with the men and using that information to make decisions that benefited the army.
It also opened up a world of possibilities for the normal soldier; they knew that if they were willing to work, they could progress. It developed a culture of hard work, persistence and fierce loyalty.
Be Authentic
Eleanor Roosevelt is one of the most famous first ladies and one of the most influential Americans of the 20th century.
She was known to have travelled extensively and spoke to the common people, enquiring about their hardships and their needs.
Having gathered this information, she would return to Washington and challenge her husband and his advisors on what exactly they were doing to help these people.
During the Great Depression, one of the most difficult times in American history, Eleanor became a champion for those in need and actively worked to help them. She lobbied for more support from the government, and her daily newspaper column gave a voice to those who didn’t have one.
Her work wasn’t simply an act; she believed in what she was doing and saw it as her duty.
The American people fell in love with this woman, someone who was willing to hear them and fight for them on a national stage.
Her travelling involved turning over rocks as she met people, asked questions and worked to understand them.
Proceed with Caution
Although building rapport in many ways is a teachable skill, it can be used under false pretences.
In the world of sales, the trope of the slimy salesman is universal.
Those people who learn how to create a false sense of rapport with a nefarious goal in mind. They learn to manipulate people into buying things they don’t need at prices they can’t afford.
Ensure that what you do, you do it for the right reasons.
On some level, we are all salespeople and are always selling ourselves or what we do, and there is nothing wrong with that when the intentions are pure and honest.
Leonardo DiCaprio played an onscreen version of Jordan Belfort in the movie The Wolf of Wall Street. His character was energetic, magnetic and likeable. He knew how to pull people in.
I’ve even watched a sales training course by Jordan himself, and he has selling down to an art.
However, what he was selling and how he was going about it were the problem. He and his team would artificially inflate the prices of penny stocks by selling them in high volumes to the public, only to sell their own holdings at a very high price. The stock price, which was based on artificial manipulation, would then crash, and the investors would be left with nothing while Jordan and his team became rich.
Eventually, Belfort ended up in prison for his crime and lost everything.
It is important that in all you do, it comes from a place of a strong moral belief in doing what is right. Building rapport with others can be a skill, and with that comes responsibility. Be sure you are doing it for the right reasons.
“One’s philosophy is not best expressed in words; it is expressed in the choices one makes. In the long run, we shape our lives and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our responsibility.” - Eleanor Roosevelt
What about this post made you think?
I’d love to hear from you in the comments!! 💬